stats for the week…

29 Aug

8/29 – 400 calories, 1 workout dvd
8/30 – 380 calories

love sucks

29 Aug

too exhausted to write, ill just copy a letter to my friend to document what is going on right now…

Hi. Man was I ever an idiot to think things were better with me and the hubs. I am so naive. But no, he is still abusing adderall, he is still drinking, and he is still whacking it to the gd porn. And sadly the last one is the one I just found out tonight and the one that hurts the most. It means I am not good enough. Fuck him. He can have his porn then, he isn’t getting sex anymore, I am sick and tired of the whole damn bullshit thing. I am going to work out at least once a day and please hold me accountable and make sure I do it. I am also not allowing myself more than 500 cals a day. Should be enough to keep the metabolism alive and give enough energy to take care of the baby and work out but still lose this weight fast. I am so upset and unhappy, and there is not a damn thing I can do about it. The only thing I can control is what I do, and so that is what I will focus on. To hell with tryin to be the best wife and make our relationship so wonderful, why am I trying so fucking hard when he isn’t trying at all? Sorry to dump on you, I just found out like a few seconds ago when I noticed he took the iphone with him to the bedroom and shut the doors then I walked in and he was doing ‘something’ under the covers. I hate my damn life and just wish it were something else. If it were not for the baby I would be so out of here. Going to cry now, before the baby wakes up and I have to act happy. Thanks for letting me vent. Love ya.

airplanes

21 Aug


B.o.B. – Airplanes - OFFICIAL VIDEO found on Rap

B.o.B. featuring Hayley Williams
– LYRICS -
[Chorus - Hayley Williams]
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish [ Read More ... ]right now)
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)

(B.o.B.- Verse 1)
Yeah
I could use a dream or a genie or a wish
To go back to a place much simpler than this
Cause after all the partying
The smashing and crashing
And all the glitz and the glam and the fashion
And all the pandemonium and all the madness
There comes a time when you fade to the blackness
When you’re staring at that phone in your lap
And hopin’ but them people never call you back
But that’s just how the story unfolds
You get another hand
Soon after you fold
And when your plans unravel in the sand
What would you wish for if you had one chance?
So airplanes airplanes
Sorry I’m late
I’m on my way
So don’t close that gate
If I don’t make that
Then I switch my flight
And I’ll be right back at it
By the end of the night

(Chorus – Hayley Williams)

[B.o.B - Verse 2]
Yeah
Yeah
Somebody take me back to the days
Before this was a job
Before I got paid
Before it ever mattered what I had in my bank
Yeah back when i was trying to get a tip at Subway
Back when I was rapping for the hell of it
But now days we rapping to stay relevant
I’m guessing that if we can make some wishes out of airplanes
Then maybe oh maybe I’ll go back to the days
Before the politics that we call the rap game
And back when ain’t nobody listened to my mixtape
And back before I tried to cover up my slang
But this is for decater
What’s up Bobby Ray
So can I get a wish to end the politics
And get back to the music that started this shit
So here I stand
And then again i say
I’m hoping we can make some wishes out of airplanes

[Chorus - Hayley Williams]

thinspo

19 Aug

hayley williams from paramore, my newest thinspo.

im unbearable

2 Jul

or so my husband told me before he stormed off to work like an asshole today. more to come on this fight, and what all has gone on the past week, but for now, time to take care of the little one!

weekly stats 6/12 – 6/19

17 Jun

Stats for the last week are:

Continue reading

more old pics

16 Jun

i found a lot more old pictures while going through my stuff. i think i will start posting them on here randomly, just to keep me inspired. i also got brave and made a gallery for just pics of me in my thinspo files (on the links).

panties and tank in mirror

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 26 other followers