get out a tiny violin

10 Jan

 so i couldnt get out of bed again today.  i stayed in bed until 2ish when i had to get up, aside from all the times i had to get up with the animals all night andmorning long.  i dont know what is wrong with me.  i need to work, need to get a job, have to get up and do something, but i just cant do it.  i cant even get out of bed.  ugh.  i really dont know what to do…  

sometimes i wish i were just dead because i dont know how to deal with everything anymore.  it is like after all the bad stuff that has happened to me i just shut down.  i cant handle anything, not even getting out of bed, going out of the house, working, fixing my hair… and all i would know to do would be go to the dr for it, but i cant because i dont have any money and couldnt afford prescriptions anyway because i have no money and no insurance. 

i am back down to 145lbs though, my pre-holiday weight, so that is one good thing.  the lady who cuts my hair says it will be $40 to get my hair trimmed and bangs cut.  that seems like so much… especially when i have no job and no money.  

sorry to complain so much, but this is the only place i do it.  in real life i act like things are fine and i am so positive and happy… well, it is all a lie.  i am not happy and i dont know what is wrong or what to do to fix it and i just have to whine about things somewhere so i do it here in my little journal which is more like a diary i guess… 

Today’s Stats
CW: 145
metamucil, vitamins, cleanse
1 banana – 110 calories
2 diet cokes
3 glasses water
tater tots – 200 calories?

 *update* as if things werent bad enough, i lost the only transcription account i had today.  i really wish someone would just kill me.

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4 Responses to “get out a tiny violin”

  1. evilgrins 01/10/2008 at 10:00 pm #

    1) kinda funny, was just thinking about you 5 minutes as I suddenly recalled I’d not seen posts from you in a long time
    2) at the risk of you reaching through the screen and strangling me…what do you suppose the odds are that you’re having no energy because you don’t eat enough?

    • mykindanormal 01/10/2008 at 10:02 pm #

      sounds obvious right? but i had no energy and was depressed even before i cut my eating down. i was depressed even more i think and was overeating like crazy!
      i was gone for a while over the holidays. how were yours? hope you had some great ones!

      • evilgrins 01/10/2008 at 11:55 pm #

        My family is rather gathered in my area and moreso with visits. We’re talking massive dinners, plural, to the tune of 4 different nights and desserts even the Gods would storm down from the skies to sample.
        Basically, bliss!

      • mykindanormal 01/10/2008 at 11:58 pm #

        same here, we all gathered in my home town and then our families ate ate and ate. oh and played games, drank, gossiped, and ate some more. we did this for a week straight with his family and mine, trying to divide our time evenly and work in seeing friends somewhere too…
        ahhh the holidays. such fun, but so good to be home as well!

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