broken

29 Jan

i dont have any friends.  

i dont have anyone to talk to about this stuff.

i put on a fake show to everyone.  my family all thinks i am fine and even my boyfriend who i live with doesnt know the extent of my issues.  

i dont know what to do.  i need a friend.  i need someone to talk to.  i need someone to help me figure out what to do with my life and how to get it together.

i am running a fever and have been sick for nearly 2 weeks now.  i am now to the point that i am not getting out of bed.  i am constantly fighting thoughts of suicide.  i feel like every minute of the day i am on the verge of a huge breakdown, total screaming crying insane nonstop take me to the nuthouse sedate me to make it stop break down.  

im not losing weight.  i have no job and cant pay the bills.  my boyfriend is paying the bills but i dont know how long he is going to keep on paying everything when i wont even get out of bed and am probably depressing him and making his life miserable too.  i hate myself and my life.  

i am totally broken and i dont know how to fix myself.

**i dont know how to talk to people about my problems in real life and really not online either.  all i know how to do is write it on here.  otherwise i just revert over into this fake everything is okay and i am so perky and sweet personality and i cant help it.**

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