the root of it all

31 Jan

 Possibly starting my period, maybe that has been the cause of the weight gain… Feeling a bit better today.  Have laughed and played and spent the day with my boyfriend.  It was a pretty good day.  I have to call a lady back tomorrow about a transcription job, which if I could get that it would be great and fix so many of the problems I have… which are not that many really… just money problems and being fat and bipolar mostly.  

I have been thinking alot about alot of things lately… alot of things from my past.  I have come to the conclusion that I wouldnt be so messed up if I hadnt had to deal with daily sexual abuse my whole life and nobody believing me or helping me.  This seems pretty obvious now, but I never really thought about it or put it together.  Now that I have, it just makes me more mad about the whole thing.  

I dont want to be bipolar.  I dont want to go through all I go through on a daily basis and I dont want to make my boyfriend deal with all he has to deal with from me being bipolar.  I dont want any of it and I dont know how to fix it.  It really pisses me off.  But, I dont know what to do to fix it… 

Today’s Stats
CW: 140lbs
2 bean & cheese burritos
1 diet coke
1 fresca
6 cups water

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