Archive | September, 2008

all about fasting

22 Sep

everything you ever wanted to know about FASTING is right under that link.  i have been looking up info on fasting today and really liked this page.  hope it is helpful to everyone! 

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more incentive

21 Sep

i have decided that once i get to 130lbs i will go and get my second round of laser hair removal done.  i have been putting it off because we dont have the money since i got sick and lost my job, but if i can lose it i will reward myself with that. 

if i get to 120lbs i will do the third round and 110lbs i will do a fourth round if i need it.  also, at 110lbs i will buy new clothes, (and be able to wear all of my old ones) and start having my hair done and mani/pedis done.   i also really hate being so white, but dont want to tan because of the skin damage…  so i dont know what to do about that… any ideas???

of course i dont know where the money for all of this is going to come from, but i will find a way when that time comes.

time to buckle down

20 Sep

if you have a weight loss goal for before christmas now is the time for us to start working on it together… !!!!

so whatever your goal is, everyone come JOIN US at community.livejournal.com/40lbs_by_xmas/ 

fatty fatty me

18 Sep

Well, after my surgeries I have not been able to do anything but be on ‘bedrest’ and I have gained weight big time.  I was instructed that I have to eat a little bit of meat and be sure to eat enough to help me heal properly after my surgery for the cancer.  Now all I do is lay around all day and do my stupid comfort eating.  But I am formulating a plan of action and I will start on it Sunday.  I will start doing exercise tapes every day at home and cut my calories again to start with.  I am also thinking of doing an apple fast because my neighbor just brought me a huge bowl full of organic apples.

In two weeks I should be released to do activity again and then we will start walking the dogs too which will help and also let me get out of the house. (hopefully i can make myself, just going to get the mail is hard for me and its right out the front door)  I think I weigh about 150 now and I am grossed out to think about it.  I cant look in the mirror or look at myself.  I dont even want to get dressed or fix my hair and most days I dont.  i never do my make up anymore and i am just so gross!

My bf has started school again and I hate that all day long he is seeing sexy skinny little skanks and then he comes home to me and I am sure he is disgusted too.  He tried to compliment me the other day and told me dont worry about the girls at school because “you are pretty in your own way” – oh, let me tell you, it did not go over well.  I cant stop thinking about it and hating myself.  He hasnt drank in a few days and is working on that, thank goodness, but I just hope he can stop.  Living with an alcoholic sucks and makes life tougher than I make it on myself already. 

I dont have any friends and feel lonely and am going crazy stuck in the house all day every single long day.  I take xanax and sleep alot and I really shouldnt because it just makes me more depressed and fat but if I dont take it I have these panic attacks and I just dont know which is worse. 

I dont know what we are going to do about money but we need to figure something out fast since I dont have a job anymore and medical bills and other bills are just piling up.  I thought I could take this time off and start working on my own business but I just cant get motivated to get out of bed and do anything. 

Everything seems too overwhelming and I just want to sleep all day and wish I didnt have to deal with anything.  I have to do something… I just dont know where to start!