love sucks

29 Aug

too exhausted to write, ill just copy a letter to my friend to document what is going on right now…

Hi. Man was I ever an idiot to think things were better with me and the hubs. I am so naive. But no, he is still abusing adderall, he is still drinking, and he is still whacking it to the gd porn. And sadly the last one is the one I just found out tonight and the one that hurts the most. It means I am not good enough. Fuck him. He can have his porn then, he isn’t getting sex anymore, I am sick and tired of the whole damn bullshit thing. I am going to work out at least once a day and please hold me accountable and make sure I do it. I am also not allowing myself more than 500 cals a day. Should be enough to keep the metabolism alive and give enough energy to take care of the baby and work out but still lose this weight fast. I am so upset and unhappy, and there is not a damn thing I can do about it. The only thing I can control is what I do, and so that is what I will focus on. To hell with tryin to be the best wife and make our relationship so wonderful, why am I trying so fucking hard when he isn’t trying at all? Sorry to dump on you, I just found out like a few seconds ago when I noticed he took the iphone with him to the bedroom and shut the doors then I walked in and he was doing ‘something’ under the covers. I hate my damn life and just wish it were something else. If it were not for the baby I would be so out of here. Going to cry now, before the baby wakes up and I have to act happy. Thanks for letting me vent. Love ya.

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