Tag Archives: goals

old pictures

15 Jun

i found some old pictures of me today, ones i used to send my hubby when we were dating and first married. pics of me in the tub, in my panties, all kinds of cute pics… and my god i was skinny just a few years ago! it served as thinspiration and motivation… i absolutely can get back to there.

oh i remember when i looked like this when we were first together and i thought i was hideously fat. now i would kill to be that size again. but i will get there, and then go even smaller, i will be 110 again, come hell or high water…

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my name is slim and i’m codependent

25 Feb

I’m having trouble with the hubby (like that’s news) again or still I guess.  I am so sick and tired of his shit I just feel like a zombie… I’m here because I married him and because of our baby but I feel so … THROUGH.  That’s the only way I know to describe it really.  I hate it.  I got pain meds because of the lupus etc from the dr, and I went in to get some and he had taken them.  He is always lying, abusing prescription drugs and alcohol, and being a total jerk to me.  It never ends and I’ve given up on things getting any better.  This is abuse, he is not hitting me like previous men but it is emotional and I can’t deal with it anymore.  I love him so much, and I love the sweet man that is in there somewhere, but I hate the addiction and what it has done to him and to our relationship.

I am distracting myself redecorating the house, things like that…  lots of projects…  and now I am going to take my feelings and put them into getting skinny again… I don’t care how sick I am or how much I hurt I am going to do it!!!  I was looking through old pics of me and I was so freaking skinny just a few years ago, and I want to get back to there.  I have to get back to that again.  I can’t keep living this way and I have to do this for myself.  I need control again, and this is a way that I can get some control back in my life… in fact one of the only ways I see. 

I told him last night I am not trying to control him anymore, because I have become someone I am not and someone I don’t want to be because of that.  I have become so codependent, and I am not going to worry about him constantly or wonder or try to stop him from looking at porn, drinking, or taking too many pills.  I am just through with all of that and it doesn’t help either of us, it just makes things worse.  I don’t want to be his freaking mother, I am tired of making rules for him and wiping his ass.  I am his wife and that’s all I am going to be from now on.  If he keeps fucking up then I will make a decision of what to do for myself, but not as a threat to him and not to  tell him what to do, I am going to focus on my own shit and live my own life from now on.

I am going to work on my projects here at the house.  Painting all the rooms and cabinets, re-doing all of the hardware, switch plates, and fixtures.  Cleaning out closets and the attic, selling and trashing shit and organizing what I keep.  Replacing the toilets and the kitchen faucet.  Painting the front door and the outside of the house, landscaping the yards, etc.  I have plenty of projects to keep me busy for a long time – especially at the pace I am working while taking care of a new baby and being so sick. 

Also, it will take forever because anything I do I have to do by myself, alone, just me.  He is always sleeping or playing games, always making excuses so that he doesn’t have to spend any time with me or the baby.  I sometimes wonder why he married me since he so obviously doesn’t want to spend any time with me.  He doesn’t know anything about me, he doesn’t listen, he doesn’t seem to care about how I feel or what I am going through.  I am doing everything there is to do here, including taking care of the baby 24/7 and things like taking out the trash and other chores and heavy lifting things that he should be helping me with in the first place but even more so now that I have Lupus and Fibromyalgia and am suffering constantly.   

Oh yeah, I am also going to start a cleanse today and when that is done start heavy restricting and exercising again.  I am going to get there again… no matter what it takes.

Today’s Stats Continue reading

resolution

31 Dec

instead of losing weight i gained. 

im not going to write about why or how horrible i have had it lately.  there is no excuse for this.

i am now setting a goal to lose weight this year.  i am going to go from my current 156 (yeah, i gained that much) to 110 by 12/09 at the latest, but if at all possible my goal will be to be there by 06/09.  i will do this with heavy restriction and lots of exercise. 

i am about to get engaged, and then i will be getting married.  this is no longer optional, it is mandatory!

i have to do this.  i will do this.  i am not going to live like this any more.

how to lose weight

17 Oct

often times i am asked for advice, or see posts where people are asking for advice on how to lose weight.  well, i don’t know if i should give advice but i will tell you what my basic plan is and maybe that will help.  i also highly recommend reading the book “Skinny Bitch” – it will blow you out of the water and really get you motivated and informed.

first of all drink water, water, water.  i am trying to drink at least 4liters of water every day.  it flushes out the fat and keeps you feeling full, not to mention it makes your skin look better and everything else healthier.  there are these flavor things you can get to put in your water and it makes it easier to drink more.  you can find them at the store with the drink mixes and juice.  that helps me drink more, and they aren’t too many calories either.

second, don’t eat dead rotting flesh.  use a partial or full vegetarian diet – or even better a vegan diet. i don’t eat meat – sometimes i eat fish though.  if you do eat meat try to cut down on it at least or do fish and chicken instead of red meat and pork.  then you can go to just fish.  then if you want go to no meat at all. and then you can wean over to full vegan if you wish.  this is a personal choice of course, but definitely cut out the red meat and pork and it will help.  you are what you eat and you can not be skinny and beautiful if you are putting pain and suffering into your body. 

third, try to stay away from sweets, eat only good healthy food and count the calories.  (for the most part – but sometimes you have to reward yourself and have a little of the yummies) there are many plans out there for how many calories you should have and on the side of the page i have a link to a goal calculator that is helpful.  no sodas unless they are the 0 calorie kind, i drink diet 7up or diet coke with splenda if i have to break down and have a soda but rarely do i ever break down and have a soda anymore – like once a month maybe.  soda is like liquid fat, it has so many calories and it makes you get so fat!  don’t eat or drink things with high-fructose corn syrup in them either and stay away from things with ingredients that look like crazy words you cant read.  keep it simple and know what you are putting into your body. 

fourth, make a plan, set obtainable goals, and reward yourself when you make those goals.  there are tons of plans out there and you just have to find one that will work for you.  total starvation does not count as a plan either, because in the end it will just make you end up getting fat when you break down and eat – and we always break down sometime don’t we?!?! 

my plan is to zig-zag my calories, which means have higher and lower days.  this is supposed to help your metabolism stay up because your body thinks it is getting fed on the high days and then you have low days to lose weight and your metabolism is still going because it was not expecting it.  with this plan you don’t feel like you are starving yourself and you can have days where you eat more or have a ‘treat’ as long as you don’t go crazy.  it is alot easier to stick with and you feel better because you aren’t always failing at your goals and it works because you can still eat with friends or family sometimes and nobody knows that anything is up. 

along with this plan i have some days i throw in of fasting because not only does it help lose weight but also helps clean out your system and there are many health benefits that i have found. i have rewards set up that i will give myself when i reach certain goals and this makes it easier and more fun too.

fifth, exercise.  you have to exercise to lose weight, you really do.  i don’t care what anyone tells you – if you want it to come off you have to work for it.  look on my links at the side and there is one for calories burned.  i have found a few great sites that calculate calories burned for you online and this is my favorite one so far.  you can burn calories even by cleaning the house, having sex, etc.  but you must, must, must also exercise.  even if you don’t have the equipment get some hand weights, exercise videos, go walking, jogging, etc.  it helps you lose weight, feel better, gets your metabolism going and you just have to do it.

sixth, take your vitamins and get your sleep.  if you take a daily multivitamin your body will get all of the nutrients that it needs and you will be less likely to have cravings caused by your body needing something.  you must also get your beauty rest.  in all my research i have found that if you dont get enough sleep it will make you fat along with many other problems.  plus, if you are sleeping you won’t be eating now will you?!?

these are just basics, but hopefully this will help!  once more, get the “Skinny Bitch” book and make it your bible.  i read through it about once a week just to keep myself reminded and aware. 

i also encourage you to research online, you will find alot about the things i talked about there.  the more informed you are the better you will do.  if there is anything i have forgotten please let me know and i will add it in here.  i am going to be updating this post over time…

if you can stick to it you will see results and you will feel better.  good luck!

 

ammendment

9 Oct

i have been researching online all night because i cant sleep and think that my newest plan of 600 or less every day will not work.  from what i have seen i think that ‘zig zagging’ the calories is going to be the best way to go.  i know the calories are pretty high, but that is why i am going to add so much exercise (from what i have read just cutting the calories will put you in starvation mode – so you have to have some calories but exercise).  so, alas, i will have a new plan…

S: 500 or less – rest
M: 700 – legs & abs
T: 800 – cardio
W:500 – arms & pilates
T: 800 – cardio
F:500 – arms & abs
S:1000 – cardio

i will stick with my vegitarian diet of course, and try to eat things that are not total junk food.  i will have at least 4 liters of water every day.  i will take my meds every day and vitamins.  i will try to do as much liquids as possible, like slimfast or soup instead of heavy meals and also make sure to spread my calories out through the day.  i will still try to do something productive, clean house, and say my affirmations every day. i will have my rewards when i reach the goal of 130, 120, and 110. 

with this plan i hope to lose at least 4lbs a week until christmas for a total of 40lbs lost by christmas. 

Stats For Today

newest plan

8 Oct

i have to lose about 4lbs a week to make my goal of 40lbs by christmas.  here is the plan i have for myself…

600 calories daily or less.

4 liters water daily or more.

eat only apples, rice, salad, or veggie soup.

exercise daily.

do something productive like…  journal, work on business plan, budget, read, etc. daily.

clean or organize something daily.

affirmations daily.

Stats For Today

more incentive

21 Sep

i have decided that once i get to 130lbs i will go and get my second round of laser hair removal done.  i have been putting it off because we dont have the money since i got sick and lost my job, but if i can lose it i will reward myself with that. 

if i get to 120lbs i will do the third round and 110lbs i will do a fourth round if i need it.  also, at 110lbs i will buy new clothes, (and be able to wear all of my old ones) and start having my hair done and mani/pedis done.   i also really hate being so white, but dont want to tan because of the skin damage…  so i dont know what to do about that… any ideas???

of course i dont know where the money for all of this is going to come from, but i will find a way when that time comes.