i hate my sucky life

 COPPIED FROM LETTER TO LIKE MY ONLY FRIEND IN THE WORLD…

The job I had to talk to that lady about was total crap and I wasted all day trying to get it only to find out I could go work at McDonnalds and make more.  We have no money but my boyfriend came home with two huge handles of Bacardi Silver and Skye Vodka and was drunk by 3pm at which time he invited his friend and his friends new girlfriend to come over tonight.  So, I get to clean house and get dressed, do my hair and make up and all that crap and I have a migraine and just wanted to go to bed.  Then I told him it was not fair to invite people over like that without talking to me first, because it is my house too and I am the one who has to do all the work.  He just kept on being an asshole and told me to grow up.  So, I have been crying for about three hours and thirty minutes now.  He is so mean when he is drunk and he promised me last weekend he wouldnt get drunk anymore because I made a video to show him how mean he is to me when he gets drunk.  I cleaned the kitchen and then he went in there and decided to try to cook while being drunk and got stuff all over the place and dirtied up all the dishes again while I put up the laundry and cleaned the bathroom.  Then I made the bed and cleaned the kitchen again and he went into the bathroom to run himself a freaking bath and messed the bathroom up again.  

Later he got out of the bath and decided to cook again.  he made a comment about me not answering him when he talks to me and I told him that is because I have nothing to say to him and would rather not talk to him at all.  I refused to eat anything today and told him I dont want to eat because I hate my life and my alchoholic boyfriend.  He wasnt even listening though and he wont remember anything tomorrow. 

I am really worried about him and dont know what to do.  I am also upset that he is apparently so freaking unhappy with me that he has to waste money that we do not have to get drunk every chance he gets.  Before it was this it was getting high, and since we moved here and he has no connections to get weed it is now getting drunk all of the time in it’s place.  

The only good thing I have to say now is I have finished following behind him and cleaning up his messes for now and he got drunk so early that it is 7pm and he is passed out snoring on the bed with the television blaring.  I hope he sleeps all night and doesnt wake up and drink more and be mean to me.  I am sick of this bullshit.  THIS IS ABUSE, you know…  I dont know what to do.  I am going to go into the living room and watch Grey’s Anatomy on the big screen and pretend there is nothing else in the world.  I wish I was drunk or high… anything to escape from this life of mine…

Today’s Stats

CW: ? too scared to step on the scale with the way my day has been today
1 diet coke